Family Ties

Saturday - July 18, 2009

Mom and I just watched a movie on the Hallmark channel that made my heart break. I know - it was a “chick flick” that plays on the emotions. This one most definitely played on my emotions. One of the main characters was a mother who was going blind - just like Mom! Throughout the movie it showed what the mother was seeing - actually what she couldn't see!! I sat there and wondered if this was what Mom able to see - but I already know the answer - it is!

The daughter had moved away and had a very successful and lucrative career - I may have had a successful career since I survived to retirement, but it was not as lucrative as this daughter’s. To give a short synopsis of the show I will simply say the daughter was told of her mother’s condition and was asked to come back to help her to save the ranch without her mother‘s knowledge! Thus the story line was very engaging at times! The movie caused me to reflect back over the last several years about my mother.

My family - Dad. Mom. Dink, John. me, Mike - August 17, 1996

One of Dad’s concerns was who would help Mom if he should pass away first. He actually knew that there would never be a time that one of us (my brothers and myself) wouldn’t be there to help Mom. She never drove and always had Dad to take her wherever she wanted or needed to go. As the years passed she also had her children, grandchildren, and in-laws who would drive “Miss Irene” to her destination. Days before Dad left us, he asked that we take care of our mother. Needless to say, he knew he didn’t need to ask us to that, but it was reassuring to him in his final hours that Mom would not be left alone.

Mom has always done for others. She has helped nurse the sick back to health, cooked meals for a large number of relatives and friends who had come to visit, and made hundreds of baby afghans for many family and friends. She has always found something to do - never one to sit back for a long period of time - always doing for others.

For the last several months, I have noticed Mom’s eyesight has gotten worse. She tries to ignore it and hides it from most people. She gets down and disheartened because she can’t see to read new recipes or crochet. I have caught her with tears streaming down her face - she didn’t know I was watching.

She loves it when I’m here, and we do things together in the kitchen. Her mood is so light and jovial. She also loves it when Mike is with her, and he takes her to some of the places she and Dad would go. She absolutely loved it when John would come in and stay for a week -they always had such a great time. Dink asks about Mom and comes to see her and she goes to see him. The last time they were together, he grabbed her hand, pulled her down, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Mom was thrilled!!!!!!! She worries about her oldest and continuously prays for his recovery!

I have heard and read so many stories about how the children can not (or will not) help their elderly parents. Many times it’s an issue of distance between the homes, and other times it is financial - the children can not take off from work. Fortunately for us, three of us were retired with Mike being the only one still working; Mom also had grandchildren who were able and capable of helping her. But since last August the numbers of those available has diminished - John passed away in August - 2008; Dink had a massive stroke and heart-attack in February - 2009. This has weighed heavily on Mom. She feel as if she has become a burden, but Mike and I assure her she isn’t.

Mom looking pretty - not knowing her picture was being taken! May 16, 2009

It is not easy for anyone who has an elderly parent. All routines, priorities, and concerns have changed. Mom is scared, but she knows we are here for her. She told us a story about a couple she knew who had told their elderly mother they were going for a drive. They took her to a nursing home and dropped her off!!!!! I’ve heard many stories such as this. It is not easy to leave your home and take care of a parent, but it is the right thing (I think) to do. All of the sleepless nights, worries, penny pinching to assure there would be enough money for the family's needs should account for something. Some people think it is a way to pay our parents back - I think it is a way to tell them how much we love them!!!

My family has a schedule in which we all take time to be with Mom. As Mike and I have talked with one another, we both have said and believe, “She is our mother, and she is our responsibility.” We are thankful that the “kids” will fill in for us if there was a need or emergency. We both are flexible with staying - if Mike is out of town, I’m there and vice-versa! Billy has been a tremendous help with staying with “that little lady he loves more than anything!” I know the day will come when Mom will go home to be with Dad and John, but for now we are trying to make her life as happy as it can be!

She is a little on edge right now. She has a tooth that needs to be pulled. Due to the medication she is taking, it can't be done until she is off that medication for 5-7 days! They are putting her to sleep which is also a little scary. The doctor told us even with her being off the medication she will still bleed quite an bit, and we need to really keep an eye on her for 48 - 72 hours! Hopefully on Monday, we will find out when the tooth will be pulled!

So many families have to make that decision to place a parent or other relative in a nursing home. All families and situations are different. For our mother, the decision of taking care of her is one we do with love. I pray that for all of those mother and fathers out there that have a young family that they will be there for you as you are for them - just like Mom and Dad were there for my brothers and me! (Just like your parents were there for you!) Sacrifices are made every hour of every day for someone we love!!!!! We make these sacrifices because of love - not because we expect something in return!

I try not to make judgement on anyone and whether they are able to help take care of their elderly parent(s). But I do cringe when I think about the abuse some of these older people endure. Many are at the mercy of family members who resent being placed in that position. Some do not want to give up "their life" as it is now to take care of an older person; some can't because they still have to work; and others just don't want the responsibility. I know some who are taking care of an elderly parent and are having a hard time adjusting. They are becoming depressed and are in need of prayer. I am thankful the responsibility of taking care of Mom is not on my shoulders alone. We are a family, and as a family we will do what we want and need to do to help our mother.

My brothers and I have never thought of helping with Dad or Mom as a burden! We all have had to juggle things around, but that's okay - they juggled things around many times for us when we were growing up!! There are some who do not understand the commitment we have to help Mom and one another. It is called family love and respect! I may be retired, but I have responsibilities that I take seriously and with an abundance of love. I do get frustrated and stressed at times, but that's just me. Those of us that are here are trying our best to not only help Mom, but one another as well.

Unless you have walked in these shoes, you have no idea as to the pressure and love we feel. We love our Mother very much and will do all we can to help her! We also are very thankful for our spouses and their understanding. It is just as difficult on them, but with their love and support we have and will do what needs to be done. Love is a key factor!!!!!!!!

Little Boy, Little Girl, and Dreams

Saturday - July 17, 2009

Did you have dreams when you were growing up? Dreams of what you wanted to be, go, or do when you were grown? I’m sure we all did, and we knew that if we worked hard we could and would make those dreams come true. Most of us were raised in a very loving, caring Christian home. We knew that we were not to be jealous of others who had more than we did. We were to be thankful for what we had. We were thankful and so happy with our lives.

Even though the little boy and girl didn’t have all of the “extras” some of their friends and classmates did, they never begrudged them for those “extras.” As they grew up, got the best education that they and their parents could afford, they realized that with hard work they would be able to do some of the things they had dreamed about as children.

Both got jobs they had dreamed about, but they also had “new” obligations that needed to be taken care of before some of those other “dreams” became a reality. To begin with, there was a student loan that needed to be paid back, and a family to support. Even though this boy and girl were following separate paths, they knew what their priorities were. They both went to church and loved working for the Lord and the fellowship with others.

As the years seemed to fly by, more obligation came and were met as their parents had taught them. Do the best you can, work hard, provide for your family, and love and worship the Lord. Sacrifices were made so that the ones they loved would never be without and even give them the chance to experience some of the “extras.”

They both worked until they could retire. They soon would be able to do some of the things that they had dreamed about when growing up, but still, their main concern was to provide for their family. The dreams they had were never at the top of their list; they were just on hold until they had the time and/or could afford it.

You might wonder what some of those dreams were. Both grew up where money was scarce and the extra money to go to the movies, concerts, ballgames, school functions, and a trip to the beach were not always available! Vacations away from home were seldom and most of the time if they did take place it was to visit family. To have been able to see some of the singers they loved to listen to; to go to the movie that was a big hit, to go watch a ballgame, or to run along the shoreline on the beach were all things that would been a special treat when they were younger.

It was not until after this boy and girl retired from their jobs of over 30 years that they started to do some of the things they had thought about when younger. They waited until they felt they had the time and savings to do some of these things.

Why am I telling this story? I want to write a post about some the dreams that have come true for Bill and me without feeling guilty. Many have said they were “jealous” that we got to go see Bob Dylan, Gordon Lightfoot, James Taylor, Elton John, and Billy Joel. We know that was a “figure of speech” in that they wished they could go as well, but did not begrudge us going. (At least I hope that’s what they meant.)

Most of the concerts we have been to have been a once in a life time opportunity. When I write the post it is not to rub it in and say “look where we have been, and who we got to see!” We all have had dreams of doing special things and going to special places. I hope and pray that all of you will be able to reach some of your dreams.

This little boy and girl grew up happy and are grateful for all the blessings that came their way. Now as “mature” adults, the opportunity to be able to reach just one of those dreams from long ago is most assuredly “a dream come true.” May some of your dreams become a reality one day for each of you as they have for us!

A Story Not Forgotten - Happy Birthday Billy

Sunday - July 12, 2009

I'm sure Pappaw is telling Billy "his" story!

One of my favorite pictures of Billy!

Pappaw with two of his buddies - Billy and Bobby! Today is a special day for one of them - Happy Birthday Billy!

There are many dates we will always remember where we were and what we were doing because of an event that took place and impacted our lives in some way or another. Most of my generation and older will remember where we were on November 22, 1963; November 14, 1970; and September 11, 2001. All three were dates that I know exactly where I was what happened on that particular date.

November 22, 1963 was the day President Kennedy was assassinated, and I was in my 8th grade science class at West Junior High School. On November 14, 1970, the day the Marshall football team's plane crashed, I was at home preparing a cheese and crackers tray for my parents and their friends. I was trying to teach eighth graders on 9/11 when the terrorist attacked America on our soil! These were all horrendous situations and brought much sadness to me and most of America.

Pappaw was never far away!!!!

There is a story that was told to my nephew Billy by Dad for over 25 years. By the time Billy was old enough to understand, Dad always told him the story of where he was when Billy was born!!! Dad would call him and say, "Billy, do you know where I was xxxx number of years ago?" Billy loved hearing that story - he loved hearing his Pappaw tell him that story year after year. 2006 was a tough year for Billy on his birthday - it was the first year Pappaw wasn't here to tell him the story!!! So, since today is Billy's birthday, I am going to tell Dad's story - just for you Billy!!!! Happy birthday from us all!!!!!!

The telephone rings: Ring, Ring
Billy answers the phone because he knows who is calling:
Billy: "Hello."
Pappaw : "Happy Birthday Billy."
B: "Thanks Pappaw!" (with a giggle)
P: " Do you know where I was (31) years ago?"
B: "Where?" (even though Billy knew where - he always asked Pappaw "where?")
P: "I was at the head of Lick Creek working. Your Mom and Dad, along with Mammaw and Sue were at St Mary's waiting on you to be born. I had to work that day. I was working on two-way radio antennas."
B: "Oh."
P: " I had to radio the shop to get updates about you. It was before we all had cell phones. They would call the shop, and the secretary would call me on the radio to give me updates."
B: "hmmmm."
P: " Your Mom went to the hospital at 8:00, and I thought you would be born by noon!"
"My boss, Morris Cunningham, radioed me and told me I needed to get back because I was about to get a grandson!"
B: "But I wasn't born by noon was I?"
P: " No, you weren't born until later that night. But I called every hour to find out if you were here or not!"

B: "Sorry Pappaw."
P: "That's okay Billy, you were worth the long wait. I was able to finish my job on Lick Creek, and then I was able to come home and wait on you. I was really glad when I got the phone call from Mammaw!"
B: " Pappaw . . . "
P: "hmmm. . . "
B: " I love you."
P: "I love you too."

There was no glamorous story, and it may have varied over the years, but Billy always waited for that call or visit from Pappaw with that question of "Do you know where I was . . . ". He loved hearing Pappaw tell him where he was. The story telling may have taken only a minute, but the memories of it will last a life time!!!!

Billy with his Aunt who loves him TWO bushels and a peck and a Hug around the neck!!!!

Billy all decked out back in June 2006!!!!


Billy and Jamie - May 2009

Billy, I know the story may not be exactly as Pappaw would say it, but you know we all love you and wish you a Happy Birthday!!!!!

Roots WERE the Root of the Problem

Monday - July 6, 2009

Ohh, the beauty of our trees in the front yard during the fall has given us many beautiful pictures. They have also caused a LOT of work in raking/blowing/mulching of the leaves. The leaves were also part the cause our lawn mower caught on fire last fall. They have given us a great shade so that we could sit under them during the heat of the day. Dad loved sitting (actually taking a nap) under the trees when they came out to visit! You can sit under the trees and all that passed our house very seldom knew we were sitting there. This was partly because they may have been moving a little too fast on Craig Road! The trees have also given us privacy, thus we not only could sit under the tree, but on the front porch without being noticed!!

The trees have given us beauty, hard work, and privacy! However, we may be losing them because of their latest endeavors! Due to the root system of the maple tree next to the driveway, we have had to have the waterline replaced from the meter back to our front sidewalk - about 20 feet!!!! The following pictures show the beauty of the trees, and and what the tree's root system has caused to happen to our front yard this past week!!!

The beauty of the trees last fall!

The plumber used a backhoe to dig the ditch - which added more to the bill!

The plumber at work - saving his back and Bill's too!!

He dug around the meter and accidentally broke off a piece of the line on the city's side! Whoa - it was about a two foot piece that had been spliced in FOUR places! He said this was how the city fixes things! :) A band-aid on the problem!

Looking at the ditch from the driveway.

A close-up of the root system that grabbed, twisted, and moved the waterline!!!

Some of the roots were cut with a small chain saw - the backhoe wouldn't cut through them.

The ditch was full of the root system!

. . . another view of the roots . . .

. . . and another . . .

. . . and another!

I love the cone used to warn of the newly dug ditch! Hmmm - guess I need to keep Bill and Toby away from the front yard!

What you will see when driving by the house now! A view from the road!

A view from the carport!

Our next project appears to be cutting trees!! We needed to get them trimmed back - but right now it looks like we may getting them cut Down!!!!! I hope we can save at least one of the trees in the front! We'll probably be getting rid of the pines in the back - their root system may be causing problem with our leach-bed!! Woe is me - if it's not one thing to fix, it's another!!!! There goes the savings!!!!!!!!!!

July 4th - Why Do We Celebrate It?

Friday - July 3, 2009

I want to start off saying I hope everyone has a great July 4th. We all know it is a national holiday, but how many are there who really know why that is so? We hear the words of American Revolution, George Washington, Paul Revere, Boston, Philadelphia, Concord, Lexington, Boston Tea Party, 1776, Continental Congress, British army, Benedict Arnold, and the list could continue to include many more words associated with this date in American History.

The teacher part of me is thinking - ahhh, a time for a little impromptu lesson, but I'm retired. For those interested enough, I have listed enough to maybe get you to thinking about how all I have mentioned above are connected to July 4th.

Most of us think of July 4th as an extra day off from work, fireworks, entertainment brought in by the community, and picnics with family and friends. All of which are great ways to get together with family and friends - great fellowship, great food, great memories!

Many families with be celebrating our nation's Independence with a tinge of sadness. There are many who attended family gathering, or was the host for one, but will not be there this year. They have gone Home to a bigger and much better celebration. John, my twin, always had big get-togethers - family and friends from all over would go to his and Laurie's home for scrumptious food (usually something new John wanted to try) and a wonderful time to be together as a family!

Another family, the Russel family in Akron lost their father and Grandfather a few weeks ago. Their pain is still fresh, but I'm sure they will celebrate the 4th the way Grandpa would have wanted them to - love for God, family, and country!

Thanks again to modern technology, i was able to "borrow" this photo from Ruthie's blog. She had written a tribute to her Grandpa Russell - now we have a picture of him in uniform. The first one is one I cropped. The second one is with his unit!

Grandpa Riley Russell

The next two pictures show Pappaw Clyde overseas. The Swiss Alps are in the background!

Pappaw Clyde (on the right) with his nephew (Ray) he was able to meet up with when ove seas.

Pappaw Clyde reflecting on the situation - how many soldiers did that and are still doing it?

One of the few picture we have of Dad before he left the states. Camp Haan, California!

Pappaw Buck standing proud and tall in uniform - he as did the other soldiers have paid the ultimate sacrfice to ensure our freedom!

Dad and a buddy standing proud - little did they know what awaited for them in the upcoming year! Many came home alive, wounded, but others didn't make it back alive!

There are so many others in our family that have served to help preserve the freedoms we hold so dear. Uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, and many other who we do not have pictures to show. My Aunt Oma had seven sons who were serving their country at the same time!!! There is s photo somewhere that shows the seven boys together. Families like that are definitely proud Americans!! . . . and we are proud of them too!!! Therefore, to all who live in a free America. . . .

Happy 4th of July

Why do we celebrate July 4th. It is like a birthday, only we are celebrating another year of freedom. Many of the kids today may have an idea about what July 4th is really about, but most will think of corn on the cob, fried chicken, and cherry pie. Some will be part of parades, going to see big fireworks displays at night, and others can't wait to see the entertainment that has been brought into the area.

Whatever the reason behind your celebration, remember the sacrifices of our forefathers, and that it was because of them and the grace of God we have the freedoms we have today! We should not take anything for granted. Our soldiers who are in the armed service today are trying to ensure that we continue with this freedom - to those soldiers and their families - THANK YOU!

One of our pictures we took from last year's fireworks on Kiawah Island. We had a beach side view from our deck - beautiful!