Saturday, I took my mother to her "cousin's reunion at her home church on Crooked Creek. She is 90 and was one of the oldest (if not the oldest)who was in attendance. She knew most of the relatives there, but she said she remembered them when they were little! The majority of those there had lost their parents, which was sad when they starting talking about things from the past. This year it seemed to affect Mom just a little more.
After a wonderful time of great fellowship and food, Mom decided she wanted to go see one of her foster sisters (cousin) who is a resident of a local nursing home. Aunt Ruby is 94 and has been a resident of the facility for two year. It was so heart breaking seeing all of the residents, but especially Aunt Ruby. She acted as if she knew Mom and called me "Suzy-bell" which she would always call me when I would first go in to see her at home.
She talked nonstop mainly about things that took place in the past. Mom was affected by this. She wanted to see her "sister" as she was years ago. But alas, that was not meant to be. To hear her rattle on talking to no one in particular was so sad. Aunt Ruby, seemed to be happy as well as we could tell with where she is, even though she is living in the past. She would laugh and talk and laugh some more.
There were many patients there who were moaning and groaning, which really made me stop and thank God that Mom has the health she does, and that Aunt Ruby's state of mind did not allow her to be upset with the sounds that echoed through those hallways.
Aunt Ruby had no children and was the youngest of the Whitman Aunts. Through the years, she and her sisters would take care of a sister that may have been ailing. Aunt Keller was bed fast for over a year and possibly it was closer to ten years; Aunt Lucy had cancer; Aunt Ella had heart problems; and Aunt Frankie also had problems with her heart. They loved one another and vowed to take care of each other. But Aunt Ruby outlived all her sisters, and even though they are not here on earth taking care of her, they are watching over her. She has many visitors - nieces, nephews, and her church family.
Seated; Vivian, Granny Polly, Lillie
Standing: Aunt Frankie, Aunt Lucy, Florence, Aunt Junia, Aunt Ruby, Aunt Ella, and Aunt Keller
These ladies took care of their mother and one another. They were all instrumental in helping raise their 11th sister - Irene - my mother! We always called those who lived at the home place "Aunt", why we didn't refer to the others as Aunt - I'm not sure!! Aunt Junia was married to my Dad's oldest brother, Uncle Son - so she was an Aunt! Aunt Ruby was closer in age to Mom, so she was a companion; Aunt Keller took a lot of the responsibility for caring for Mom - she was just like a grandmother to us, and a mother to Mom. Mom loved each and every one of these ladies. They made sure she knew her "real" father and siblings, and she became as close to them as she was her "foster" family.
Mom knows how fortunate she is that she is not in a nursing home. That is not an option as long as we (my brothers and me) are able to care for her. Many question why we don't hire someone to come in and stay with her. If for no other reason, my aunts would be an example as to why we don't. We promised Dad he would not have to worry about Mom - we would be there for her. We also helped Dad to take care of his parents. Mammaw and Pappaw lived in a house behind ours. after apaw died, Mammaw fell and broke her hip. She then stayed with us, but on occasion go and visit with her other children!
Life has had a way of taking the children off in many direction with so many activities that keep them busy, busy, busy. Many times they are too busy to visit or think about the older generation. All this older generation would like is to receive a call, a card, or a visit from their loved ones. Some day we all will get older and then maybe we will understand what it means - not just the aches and pain, but the loneliness and solitude that is experienced each day.
I came across a Bible verse that may sum up to many as to why we do what we do for Mom, and why we sacrifice much of our life to help her. The main reason we do it is because we love her! But this verse makes you think!
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
I Timothy 5:8 NIV
There are times when it isn't possible to care for the aging parents, and that is why we have the assisted living accommodations as well as the nursing home. If you and your parents have to go that route -we all understand - you don't forget them, but there are so many who are forgotten!!! Just like Mom, who wants to hear from her grandchildren, family, and friends even though one of us is always there with her this older generation loves to hear from all from her past. You might be surprised at how much she lights up when she gets a call, a visit, or a card from those she thinks has forgotten her. It wears her out when she travels a long distance - even the trip to Logan County wore her out, so it is nice when she gets visits, cards, and the phone calls!
As I get older, I pray that I will not put a burden on my family, and that I will be able to take care of myself until it is time for me to go Home!
