I'm Still Here!

Sunday - May 20, 2012 I'm still here, although I feel as if I have been many miles away!  Life without Mom has been a big adjustment, not only for me, but for the rest of the family too. Losing Mom seemed to hit me harder than when Dad passed away!  After much soul searching I think I understand why!  I loved both my parents equally!!  But, I didn't take the time to grieve for Dad! Although they had completely different personalities, they balanced one another and were married for over 59 years!  They had known one another for much longer than that - Dad's older brother married Mom's foster sister( who was actually her cousin)!  Their love for one another was so evident, especially when Dad was leaving us!  Mom was his soul mate, his best friend, and the mother of his children! He wanted to make sure she would be okay when he went Home!  He told her it was time for him to go, it was the best thing to do! He talked with all four of us - my three brothers and myself - and we all told him not to worry about Mom - we would take care of her! It made Dad's going Home seemingly easier for him! The love of his life would be alright! Therefore, my grieving for Dad was put on hold because I had to be strong for Mom - we all did!  We all took turns in staying with and caring for our mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, aunt, and friend.  She was loved by so many!  It was a family's love that helped her during the six years between their deaths.  None of us did it alone. We did it together; we did it because we loved her! For over sixty years, I have had a mother to whom I could turn to when I wanted help with a recipe, a pattern, or a shopping companion!  I had a mother who was always there when I had surgery, or when I was down!  She showed us all how our faith in God could help us through many trials we might face on life's road!  Her faith was strong , and she was strong because of it!  Thus when we saw her heart broken because Dad was gone, we had to be strong to help her  realize we still needed her! I had to help my mother; I had to be strong! My brothers are some of the strongest men I know, I'm the weepy one in the family! As she got older, we discovered she needed us more!  We all gave as much as we could to help her those last years of her life to be happy and comfortable! Now that she is gone, I found myself slipping into being a recluse!  I don't want to go anywhere, and I find myself crying for no reason! After several weeks of this feeling, I knew I had to do better!  But I also realized I was grieving for Mom and Dad! I didn't have these feelings when Dad died, I had to be strong for Mom! Now I need to be strong for me; for Bill; for my brothers and their families; and for the simple reason that Mom and Dad would want me to be strong!   I hope to be back blogging with some of the things I have been doing during this period of being down! I pray that all have a great week and will make great memories with your loved ones!