Wednesday - August 13, 2008
The is part of a letter I wrote to John on August 8 - the day of his funeral. Mom and I were at the motel - she went to bed before 9:00 (she was so tired), so I sat there with pen in hand.
Dear John,
Where do I begin? We were together for the eight months Mom carried us in her womb. Remember, we were a month early - must have been your fault since you were the first one born - four minutes earlier than me! But then again, I guess you would say it was my fault since I was behind you pushing you out of my way!
Today your Pastor said something I hadn’t really thought about - God not only knew the date of our deaths, but He was the one who gave us our birth dates! He chose January 22, 1950 as the date the “twins” were born into the Layne family. That date will never be the same for me. It was a game for us to see who would call the other first. Most years you won! I will miss that call and hear you say “Happy birthday Sis.” This year’s birthday card is still beside my chair in my “teacher” organizer.
It hurts so much that you have left all of us here, but I am so glad that you are able to be with Dad. I know he is so happy. You are there with the rest of the family and having a wonderful reunion. I can’t understand why God had you go home first, but I have to accept it. Please don’t be mad if it takes me a while to accept it. I know Dink and Mike are feeling the same loss as I am in losing a brother. Mom is so sad - but she is dealing with your leaving better than me. She knows you are with Dad.
The loss your precious Laurie, Dawn, JD, and Lindsay feel is indescribable. Brian, Darcie, and Nate feel their pain and miss you as well. Those gorgeous grandchildren will miss you, but you will be kept alive in their minds through pictures and “Pappaw” stories. You always did have a way to get us to laugh - intentional or not - but the laughter was because we love you. Some day I may put together as many “John” stories as I can so that your legacy will never be lost. We might have a complete novel if I can get stories from all your friends and the rest of the family!
The outpouring support from your friends was wonderful to see. For over two hours we saw them pass through to offer their support and to pay their respects. Laurie and the kids will be looked after by the many friends you have made in the 36 years you had been up North. I will also make sure we all stay in contact - life has a way of getting in our way, and we don’t seem to have time for the ones we take for granted. You have such a wonderful family, and they will be okay because you taught them how to survive - just as Dad and Mom taught us.
Even though you lived away from us - we always had contact with you. Those daily phone calls started Mom’s day off. She loves hearing from her kids! Even those of us living close by, she loves the phone calls. I always get a run-down of which one of you boys called and the conversation she had with you.
John, you lived your life to the fullest - doing what you wanted and enjoying every moment of it. Even when you had some low points in your life - you never let it keep you down. You relied on God, and He helped you over those bumps in the road of life. With all the pain you had from your back and knees, you never stopped. You remind me so much of Dad - he taught us all that you never let anything stop you from doing what you wanted. I see him in Dink and Mike as well as I did you. Dad would be so proud of all three of you! . . . . . . . . . . . .
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This was not the whole letter, but only a portion of it. It has helped to write my feelings down - tears still flowing. But the realization that John has gone Home is starting to sink inside my head. To all who have lost a loved one recently - we all know your pain.
How do I begin? There is so much going on in my mind that I feel as if my head is going to explode! Happy news - Sad news - all jumbled in there together. I feel guilty for being glad because of the good news, and then the tears start flowing because I shouldn’t be happy. I lost a part of me a week ago. How can that be? It was God’s will, and I have to accept that it was time for John to go Home. Since John’s death on August 5, I have been writing into a notebook my thoughts, memories, and hopes about John and the family. Today I feel I want to share some of those thoughts with you.
The is part of a letter I wrote to John on August 8 - the day of his funeral. Mom and I were at the motel - she went to bed before 9:00 (she was so tired), so I sat there with pen in hand.
Dear John,
Where do I begin? We were together for the eight months Mom carried us in her womb. Remember, we were a month early - must have been your fault since you were the first one born - four minutes earlier than me! But then again, I guess you would say it was my fault since I was behind you pushing you out of my way!
Today your Pastor said something I hadn’t really thought about - God not only knew the date of our deaths, but He was the one who gave us our birth dates! He chose January 22, 1950 as the date the “twins” were born into the Layne family. That date will never be the same for me. It was a game for us to see who would call the other first. Most years you won! I will miss that call and hear you say “Happy birthday Sis.” This year’s birthday card is still beside my chair in my “teacher” organizer.
It hurts so much that you have left all of us here, but I am so glad that you are able to be with Dad. I know he is so happy. You are there with the rest of the family and having a wonderful reunion. I can’t understand why God had you go home first, but I have to accept it. Please don’t be mad if it takes me a while to accept it. I know Dink and Mike are feeling the same loss as I am in losing a brother. Mom is so sad - but she is dealing with your leaving better than me. She knows you are with Dad.
The loss your precious Laurie, Dawn, JD, and Lindsay feel is indescribable. Brian, Darcie, and Nate feel their pain and miss you as well. Those gorgeous grandchildren will miss you, but you will be kept alive in their minds through pictures and “Pappaw” stories. You always did have a way to get us to laugh - intentional or not - but the laughter was because we love you. Some day I may put together as many “John” stories as I can so that your legacy will never be lost. We might have a complete novel if I can get stories from all your friends and the rest of the family!
The outpouring support from your friends was wonderful to see. For over two hours we saw them pass through to offer their support and to pay their respects. Laurie and the kids will be looked after by the many friends you have made in the 36 years you had been up North. I will also make sure we all stay in contact - life has a way of getting in our way, and we don’t seem to have time for the ones we take for granted. You have such a wonderful family, and they will be okay because you taught them how to survive - just as Dad and Mom taught us.
Even though you lived away from us - we always had contact with you. Those daily phone calls started Mom’s day off. She loves hearing from her kids! Even those of us living close by, she loves the phone calls. I always get a run-down of which one of you boys called and the conversation she had with you.
John, you lived your life to the fullest - doing what you wanted and enjoying every moment of it. Even when you had some low points in your life - you never let it keep you down. You relied on God, and He helped you over those bumps in the road of life. With all the pain you had from your back and knees, you never stopped. You remind me so much of Dad - he taught us all that you never let anything stop you from doing what you wanted. I see him in Dink and Mike as well as I did you. Dad would be so proud of all three of you! . . . . . . . . . . . .
Dink, Mike, and I have lost a very dear brother. We are all so sad and miss you more than words would ever be able to say. We all have a another hole in our lives when you left us. Mom, Laurie, the kids, and the rest of us have lost a part of our being. We all know you are up there looking down at us. Another star in the sky was placed in heaven on August 5; a star that will twinkle at us when we look for it, and we will imagine we hear your laughter when the wind blows. My dear brother, I will always miss you but NEVER forget you.
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This was not the whole letter, but only a portion of it. It has helped to write my feelings down - tears still flowing. But the realization that John has gone Home is starting to sink inside my head. To all who have lost a loved one recently - we all know your pain.
The good news I will share later - a hint in that it concerns Jeni and David! Whatever you are thinking just may be the correct good news!
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The following two pictures were taken at Bobby's wedding - it shows John's character - he sees Mike aggravating me, so what does he do - the same thing! Dink was acting dignified since he was all dressed up!
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