Saturday - August 7, 2010
It has been almost a week since we lost our "babee," Toby. He was such a special part of our family. We are still grieving, and it seems as if we will never stop missing him. We see, hear, and feel him as if he were still here. We still shed tears, and they start flowing when we look toward the spot he always slept, where his food and water bowl was, and especially when we think it is time for him to go outdoors!!! This "last good-bye" has been a work in progress for the last week. I wanted to do one last blog just for Toby. It was written mainly during the evenings here at the house and at Mom's. The pictures on this posting are some of the last ones I had taken of him.
Even though you could not see, you were able to sense where we were and would always look at us to let us know you wanted to go outside! If we didn't act quickly enough, you would bark. Oh how I would love to hear that bark!
To those who may ridicule our grieving a four-legged friend has not experienced the love and joy Toby gave us. He was our friend, companion, and "babee" for more than fourteen years. He was part of our family, and we miss him terribly and always will.
Toby,
Today you left your Daddy and me (August 1, 2010), and we know you are no longer in pain. I know there are a lot of people out there who do not understand how much we love and cherished our time with you. You gave us your unconditional love, and you were content to just have us rub your ear, back, or belly. It never hurt when we gave you a little of people food on the side – even though we knew it wasn’t really good for you.
We have such a huge void in our hearts and our lives since you left us. The tears we have shed would water a huge garden. We know you were in pain, even though you were taking medicine, but you were so tough! You never whimpered and were always ready for a game. It was those times when you wanted to play that you made us forget about our problems. That “I want to go outside bark,” or the using your paw to get us up out of the chair will never be forgotten. The “Yoda” ears when you were tired and sleepy; the laying down ears when you knew you were in trouble; and the licks of love when you were still enough to give them to us will be memories we will always cherish.
Today – Monday, August 2 – was really a hard day for me. Your Daddy had to take the car to Charleston, and I stayed home to put away your things. I could hear you walk across the kitchen floor; I saw your little head come around the corner of the doorway; and I felt you nudging my leg as you use to when you thought (or you actually knew) I had something to eat. I cried – I worked – and I cried some more! I’m not sure when or if I can finish this blog for posting – but I needed to have one more blog just for you!!!
Your Daddy is really taking this hard too. How many times a day did you make him get up and take you outside? He always said it was a hundred times a day, but you and I know better. You were his constant companion while I was with Mammaw. You were his buddy and best friend, and oh how he is grieving for you! He said he was supposed to be watching you, but you were the one watching over him!!
We are both so thankful we had you as part of the family for 14 years. You were a part of the family, we never considered you to be just a “dog.” There are many people who think it is silly to treat our four legged friends as we treated you, but that’s okay, you know how much we loved you. I hope that you are at peace now and that you knew just how important you were to us and how much you were loved. There will never be a four legged friend who will grasp our hearts as you did!!!
It has been three days now, and your Daddy and I still miss you terribly. The tears are still flowing, and we wonder if they will ever stop. I know there are many family members, friends, and strangers who think we are carrying your loss too far. They have never loved or been loved by a “four legged” babee” as you loved us. You were always such a happy “babee,” except when you had the earache! You bit your Daddy’s finger!!! Even when you had your two surgeries, you were up and ready to go the very next day.
Dr. Brown called today (Wednesday). He was upset at your passing, but was glad we didn’t have to make a decision, and that God said it was time. He was your buddy too, and said he was sad you were gone. He thought of you as “The Man” who was so tough!
Cora spent the night with us last night (Thursday). Remember, I told you that you were going to have to have a bath before she came. We wanted you to look special sporty for your niece. Molly was here too. She went all through the house looking for you. It broke our hearts and Daddy and I had to hide our tears. Cora, Molly, and their Mommy and Daddy have left. The house is so quiet again. For a little while we were able to laugh because Cora entertained us, just the way you use to – never a dull moment.
Shortly after Cora, Molly, Jeni, and David left, a flower truck pulled up in the driveway. I could see that someone was bringing us a beautiful vase of flowers. They came from your buddy – Dr. Chad Brown and his staff!! We knew he was someone special because of the care he gave you. You were one of his favorites. Your Daddy and I cried again – to think he would think of us considering how many other patients he has, but he wanted to let us know they were thinking about us and how sad they were you were gone. Toby, you made an impact on many lives – whether because they knew you, or because of the stories we told about you!! You are loved and missed so much.
I thought the tears had stopped and then the mail ran. There was a card from David, Jeni, and Cora. They are sad too and wanted to let us know they understood how much we were missing you! They wanted to let us know how much they loved us and how sorry for your leaving.
When will our tears stop? Right now I don’t think they ever will. Just know that we love you and will always hold you close to our hearts! Even though I am trying to say good-bye, you will always be a part of me. You will be the one and only “Babee” for your Daddy and me!
Good-bye my “Babee” until we meet again!!!!
